Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Pressure of Progress

If you're anything like me, progress scares the mess out of you.  It makes you uncomfortable.  Most of all it's really hard.

It's a giant cliff that you need to get to the bottom of and the only option you have is to jump.  You've come to the point where it feels like it's now or never and it makes you freeze.

You've decided that this was the path in life that you were going to take and then it led you to this cliff.  You tell yourself all the things you're going to do, you believe in it enough to tell everyone around that you're going to do it.

But you don't.

You took a risk coming to this cliff and everyone knows now.  You tell them how your getting ready for the jump, but you feel embarrassed because it's been the same words over and over again.  Now you question if it was worth it.  You wonder if you'll fly or fall.  You wonder if you shouldn't just turn around and try a different direction.  Until others start to say the same.  Then you realize how important this is to you.  They tell you different variations of 'Go back', 'Do this', and 'It's the wrong way'.

That's when the fire was rekindled.

You want to prove them wrong.  You want to prove yourself right.  You want to take that one step that will most likely change it all.

But you chicken out.

Now you're fighting with yourself.  Are you scared or just lazy?  You make countless running starts only to pull up short and you're left pulling reasons out of thin air that you use like a veil to cover up whatever the really reason is.  Then you're just left tired.

And that's when you get tired of being tired.

You're tired of standing still.  You're tired of wondering what would happen.  You're tired of worrying that you'll miss your chance and have to ask yourself 'what if'.

So you run for that cliff, full speed this time, and don't show any signs of stopping.  You don't know exactly where it goes or if you'll be flying or falling but you only hope you'll be too busy enjoying the rush to find out.

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